Sunday, February 26, 2012

Live Blogging the Oscars Even Though I've Only Seen One or Two Movies This Year

As far as I can remember, the only Oscar-nominated movie I've seen ths year was Bridesmaids. Well, I also saw The Social Network, but that was nominated last year, or maybe the year before.

So naturally I feel obligated to live blog and offer my extremely educated opinions. Mostly because if I just sit and watch, I'll die of boredom. I'll probably take a long ice cream break, shower during the lifetime achievement crap, and fall asleep at 10:05. Here goes.

The Oscar I usually watch.

The Oscar I'm watching tonight. Decidedly less informed about this one.
8:37 p.m.
Martin Scorcese's daughter (I'm assuming that's his daughter?) looks as enthralled as I am.

I honestly thought Hugo was animated. (My husband just said, "We can be in Mordor by sundown!" Because he looks like Ian McKellan?) (The guy from Hugo...not my husband.)

I was more excited about the Ellen commercials tonight than the show itself. I can go to bed now. Just kidding! I haven't even had ice cream yet.

Why are we retrospect-ing already? The show's been on for 20 minutes.
I appreciate the irony in J-Lo saying a woman's dress should be loose enough to show she's a lady. She looks like boobs in Saran wrap. And I can see 50% of her butt cheek.

Are we reminiscing about our first movie? Mine was Follow that Bird. Starring Big Bird. He gave a convincing performance.

Seriously? My two year old is awake? Go back to sleep!

I miss Sandra Bullock's face. I mean that literally -- I miss the face she had last year.

I freakin' love Melissa McCarthy. I hope everyone voted for her.
Oh. Nope.

Okay, now I love Octavia Spencer too.

Let me just say this is a 100% accurate portrayal of focus groups.

Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper! Girl crush and boy crush!

"Let's get out of here, we're editors" will probably stand as my favorite acceptance speech of the night.

"Hugo." "No, HU-go." I just threw up in my mouth.

Snack time. Why aren't Reese's Eggs available year-round?

Cirque du Soleil = awesome. OMG IS THAT GIRL SPINNING ON ONE ARM EVEN KIDDING? Insane.

Nominees for Best Documentary: Hmm? Huh? What? And Who?

My husband is officially asleep. That pretty much cuts the number of people paying attention to my obnoxious commentary in half.

Okay, so I just took a Words With Friends break....did I miss anything? I'm guessing no.

Mind-reading bit = not funny at all. Brad Pitt has a lot of kids! Martin Scorcese directs movies! Ha ha ha haaaa I should go to sleep.

It's Lightning McQueen!
It's Lightning McQueen!
It's Lightning McQueen!
It's Lightning McQueen!

I'm losing interest. Even Angelina can't save me now.

Just spent 25 minutes on Pinterest. Looks like the show has stayed mostly boring.

Governers Awards? I'm going back to Pinterest.

Make a wish! I wish I were asleep.

Jean Dujardin is a handsome man.

Yay Meryl Streep. I'm going to sleep. <-- That's poetry.
Sorry, Best Picture. I'm trying to care enough! But I don't.