Live Blogging the Oscars Even Though I've Only Seen One or Two Movies This Year

As far as I can remember, the only Oscar-nominated movie I've seen ths year was Bridesmaids. Well, I also saw The Social Network, but that was nominated last year, or maybe the year before.

So naturally I feel obligated to live blog and offer my extremely educated opinions. Mostly because if I just sit and watch, I'll die of boredom. I'll probably take a long ice cream break, shower during the lifetime achievement crap, and fall asleep at 10:05. Here goes.

The Oscar I usually watch.

The Oscar I'm watching tonight. Decidedly less informed about this one.

8:37 p.m.
Martin Scorcese's daughter (I'm assuming that's his daughter?) looks as enthralled as I am.

8:43
I honestly thought Hugo was animated. (My husband just said, "We can be in Mordor by sundown!" Because he looks like Ian McKellan?) (The guy from Hugo...not my husband.)

8:47
I was more excited about the Ellen commercials tonight than the show itself. I can go to bed now. Just kidding! I haven't even had ice cream yet.

8:52
Why are we retrospect-ing already? The show's been on for 20 minutes.
I appreciate the irony in J-Lo saying a woman's dress should be loose enough to show she's a lady. She looks like boobs in Saran wrap. And I can see 50% of her butt cheek.

9:00
Are we reminiscing about our first movie? Mine was Follow that Bird. Starring Big Bird. He gave a convincing performance.

9:05
Seriously? My two year old is awake? Go back to sleep!

9:06
I miss Sandra Bullock's face. I mean that literally -- I miss the face she had last year.

9:11
I freakin' love Melissa McCarthy. I hope everyone voted for her.
Oh. Nope.

9:13
Okay, now I love Octavia Spencer too.

9:20
Let me just say this is a 100% accurate portrayal of focus groups.

9:22
Tina Fey and Bradley Cooper! Girl crush and boy crush!

9:25
"Let's get out of here, we're editors" will probably stand as my favorite acceptance speech of the night.

9:26
"Hugo." "No, HU-go." I just threw up in my mouth.

9:30
Snack time. Why aren't Reese's Eggs available year-round?

9:36
Cirque du Soleil = awesome. OMG IS THAT GIRL SPINNING ON ONE ARM EVEN KIDDING? Insane.

9:42
Nominees for Best Documentary: Hmm? Huh? What? And Who?

9:46
My husband is officially asleep. That pretty much cuts the number of people paying attention to my obnoxious commentary in half.

9:58
Okay, so I just took a Words With Friends break....did I miss anything? I'm guessing no.

10:09
Mind-reading bit = not funny at all. Brad Pitt has a lot of kids! Martin Scorcese directs movies! Ha ha ha haaaa I should go to sleep.

10:12
It's Lightning McQueen!
It's Lightning McQueen!
It's Lightning McQueen!
It's Lightning McQueen!

10:25
I'm losing interest. Even Angelina can't save me now.

10:53
Just spent 25 minutes on Pinterest. Looks like the show has stayed mostly boring.

10:56
Governers Awards? I'm going back to Pinterest.

11:11
Make a wish! I wish I were asleep.

11:20
Jean Dujardin is a handsome man.

11:29
Yay Meryl Streep. I'm going to sleep. <-- That's poetry.
Sorry, Best Picture. I'm trying to care enough! But I don't.

SLOW COOKER RECIPE: Honey-Balsamic Pulled Pork

Why am I sitting here at 10:22 at night, eating pulled pork? Because this pulled pork was awesome. So awesome that I....

Forewent?? Is that really the past tense of forego?

Okay then. I forewent my usual cookie dough ice cream for a second helping of cold, leftover pork. Yeah. This is serious. I'm not sure I can choose a winner between this and my reigning favorite pulled pork recipes (cuban pork and mesquite pulled pork a.k.a. "porkgasm") but it's definitely on the podium somewhere.

My inspiration was a recipe for sliders I found here, but with a few substitutions and some major simplification.

You'll need:

• 1-2 lbs. pork
• 1/2 cup broth (I used beef broth)
• 1 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup ketchup
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tsp. ground mustard
• 1 T. minced garlic
• 1/2 tsp. Papa Joe's salt

No prep work needed, just dump it all in the crockpot and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

And then sneak into the kitchen later and have some as a bedtime snack. Trust me.

EASY PEASY RECIPE: Turkey-Vegetable Meatballs with Spaghetti Squash

I'm attempting to lose the last of my baby weight, since my baby is almost, um, two years old. So I'm trying to ease up on the carbs. But easing up on carbs makes me think about carbs, which makes me crave carbs, which makes me want to stuff my face with a giant plate of spaghetti and meatballs.

Nope, I didn't cheat. That's not spaghetti, and the meatballs are stuffed with spinach, mushrooms, and carrots. Hold on while I pat myself on the back! By the way, this is one of those recipes that sounds obnoxious and braggy but is actually really easy. Five or 10 minutes to prep, 25 minutes to bake.

You'll need:

• 1 lb. ground turkey
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup grated romano
• 2 Tbsp. garlic
• 1 cup spinach (frozen, thawed)
• 5-10 baby carrots (chopped)
• 5-6 white mushrooms (chopped)
• 1/4 cup bread crumbs

Chop the veggies to smithereens. I swear by my chopper from Pampered Chef. 

Mix everything in a bowl and squish it up good.

Doesn't that just LOOK virtuous?

Rub olive oil on the bottom of a casserole dish, and roll the meat sludge into 2" balls.

Bake at 375 degrees for 25 minutes or until the meatballs start turning slightly golden-brown.

I should have taken a photo of the spaghetti squash, but I was too busy scalding my fingertips on it. But it's easy. Stab some holes in it, throw it in the microwave for 10 minutes, wait a few minutes for it to turn from molten lava back into a vegetable again, slice it in half, scrape out the seeds, and then just start scraping out the "spaghetti." I topped it with Classico Spicy Red Pepper tomato sauce.

Does it taste like spaghetti? Not at all! But at least my eyeballs think we're eating spaghetti, and I can twirl it on my fork, so that's something. Plus, I snuck five vegetables (well, four vegetables and a fruit, for the tomato nerds) into one meal. I'm like that girl who wrote the book about sneaking spinach into her kids' brownies -- except, you know, not famous or wealthy.


Shared this recipe on Real Food Wednesday at Kelly the Kitchen Kop.
And thanks to Brianne at Cupcakes and Kale Chips for pointing me towards RFW!

EASY-PEASY RECIPE: 20-Minute Chili (And It's Healthy!)

Hi! Sorry for the lapse in blogging, but I just got back from a lovely and relaxing four-week sabbatical in Paris.

bonjour je suis vraiment à paris c'est fromage!

Okay, that's a lie.

I've just been super busy and fell way behind on the updates. And then once I was a week behind, nothing seemed interesting enough after all the anticipation! (What's that, you say? You weren't waiting on the edge of your seat for another blog post? Shhh! Don't tell me that!) And then the longer I waited, the more interesting I felt I needed to be upon my return.

But today I decided -- screw being interesting! I'm just going to jump back in and post a recipe for chili!

I already have a recipe on here for slow-cooker chili, but tonight I got a hankerin' for chili* at about 4:47 p.m. So, I had to make do. This recipe is totally diet-friendly, by the way, which is important because I've spent the past week eating Slutty Brownies after almost every meal. It's been a bad scene.

This chili can be ready, start to finish, in 20 minutes.

You'll need:

• 1 lb. ground turkey
• 2 Tbsp. chili powder
• 1 Tbsp. paprika
• 1 1/2 Tbsp. Mrs. Dash Southwest Chipotle blend
• 1 tsp. cumin
• 10-oz. can diced tomatoes
• 8-oz. can tomato sauce
• 1 cup beef broth
• 1 1/2 Tbsp. cider vinegar
• 2 cups beans (I used a mix of black and kidney)
• 1/2 tsp. sea salt and pepper (I used Papa Joe's salt as usual)
• 1 tsp. onion powder

In a big sauce pot, cook the ground turkey in some olive oil. Once it's brown, add all the other stuff and simmer for 15 minutes. That's it. C'est tout, c'est finit. Wasn't that easy?

Okay. More updates, more often. I promise.

* Did you know this is the gerund form of the word hanker? I could also say, "I hanker for chili." I think I'm going to start using that.