RECIPE: Slow Cooker Spicy Adobo Pulled Pork

So, if you're following along, you know that I've basically spent the past week torturing my family's palates with spicy foods (well, except for the less-adventurous toddler, who's been eating a lot of rigatoni and apple slices). This was the last installment of my self-proclaimed Spicy Food Week. It definitely has a kick, which you can mellow out by using less adobo sauce*.

You'll need:

• 1-2 lbs. pork
• 1 can chicken broth
• 1 can of Goya chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
• 1 Tbsp minced garlic
• 1 Tbsp ground cumin

Throw everything into the slow cooker and stir it around a bit. I plucked the peppers out after stirring, because I hate the soggy texture of canned peppers -- but pluck them out after you stir, because otherwise you'll waste a lot of sauce. (The chicken broth sort of "rinses" the sauce off the pepper. That's the best way I can explain it.) Cook on low for 6-8 hours.

I served it with a sliced avocado and Goya rice with pigeon peas**, but it would be the perfect meat for burritos, quesadillas, enchiladas, fajitas, or taco night***.


*This tip has been brought to you by Chef Obvious.


** One of those boxed mixes. I don't know what pigeon peas are, and I certainly don't cook with them of my own accord.


*** Have I forgotten any delicious uses for tortillas?

SLOW COOKER RECIPE: Honey-Balsamic Pulled Pork

Why am I sitting here at 10:22 at night, eating pulled pork? Because this pulled pork was awesome. So awesome that I....

Forewent?? Is that really the past tense of forego?

Okay then. I forewent my usual cookie dough ice cream for a second helping of cold, leftover pork. Yeah. This is serious. I'm not sure I can choose a winner between this and my reigning favorite pulled pork recipes (cuban pork and mesquite pulled pork a.k.a. "porkgasm") but it's definitely on the podium somewhere.

My inspiration was a recipe for sliders I found here, but with a few substitutions and some major simplification.

You'll need:

• 1-2 lbs. pork
• 1/2 cup broth (I used beef broth)
• 1 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup ketchup
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tsp. ground mustard
• 1 T. minced garlic
• 1/2 tsp. Papa Joe's salt

No prep work needed, just dump it all in the crockpot and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

And then sneak into the kitchen later and have some as a bedtime snack. Trust me.

SLOW COOKER RECIPE: Cuban Pork

Okay, fair warning: This is a two-step recipe. I suppose you could just throw everything in the slow cooker, but it's extra-awesome if you marinate it for a few hours, so I recommend going the extra mile on this one. It's worth it.

Here's what I used. Check the bottom of this post for substitutions if you can't get some Papa Joe's in time, or if you want to make it easier.

• 1-2 lbs. pork loin (I like boneless)
• 1 Tbsp. Papa Joe's Salt*
• 1/2 tsp. oregano
• 1/2 Tbsp cumin
• 3 oranges**
• 2 limes

Step 1: Marinade. Stab the pork with a grilling fork or any other poking device you have lying around. 

Um, I look like I'm slaying vampires, yuck. I hate when meat looks like meat!

Anyway. Once you've gotten the stabbies out of your system, throw the pork in a Ziploc bag with the Papa Joe's salt, oregano, and cumin. And then squeeze the holy crap out of the oranges and limes. (I was in a perfectly good mood when I made this, so I don't know why every step of the recipe seems like a de-stressing exercise.) Put the mix in the fridge for a couple of hours, or overnight. Whatever.

Step 2: Cook. Dump the contents of the Ziploc bag into your slow cooker and cook on LOW for 6-8 hours.

Just a note, feel free to use less of the Papa Joe's. Hubby and I strongly disagreed on whether it tasted salty. So, adjust to taste. 

I think this would be awesome on a sandwich with cheese, honey mustard, and pickles. Or in a quesadilla. Just sayin'!

* Papa Joe's salt is a mix of salts, pepper, and garlic. It's amazing and does magic things to steamed vegetables -- for example, it makes me eat them :)  Sweet serendipity, their HQ is apparently a whopping nine blocks from my house. But if you're not local, you can order it through their website. And if you don't have time to order it, just mix together some sea salt or seasoning salt, ground pepper, and garlic, so the mixture totals a tablespoon. 

** Feel free to use the squeezy lime and/or regular old orange juice. Not sure why I went so gung-ho with the fresh fruit. I'd guesstimate that 2 Tbsp of squeezy lime juice and 1/4 cup of orange juice would do the trick.

RECIPE: Holy Mole Mexican BBQ Pork {Slow Cooker or Oven Roast}

Seriously, I haven't even started digesting this and I had to come on and share the recipe -- it was that good. It's based on my usual pulled pork recipe, but I tweaked it a bit and added some spices and chocolate to make a Mexican-mole-inspired sauce. I love it when experiments go well :)

I totally forgot this pork was expiring (um, yesterday) and didn't fire up the slow cooker this morning, so I made it as an oven roast. But it's pretty much a dump recipe, so it would work in the oven or the Crock-Pot equally well. (Although, like most things, it would probably be juicier in the slow cooker.)

YOU'LL NEED:

• 1/4 cup cider vinegar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar (unpacked)
• 1 Tbsp paprika
• 1 tsp chili powder (mine was a heavy teaspoon...by mistake)
• 1/2 Tbsp cumin
• 1 Tbsp garlic (minced)
• 1 square of dark chocolate (like those Ghirardelli or Lindt squares...I used 85% dark)
• fajita fixins (cheese, tomato, guacamole, whatever floats your barco)

FOR THE OVEN:
Throw everything in a casserole dish and cook at 350 degrees for 45 minutes (or until meat is thoroughly cooked).

FOR THE SLOW COOKER:
Throw everything in the Crock-Pot and cook on low for 7-8 hours (or until meat is thoroughly cooked).

I served it on whole wheat wraps with shredded pepperjack, guacamole, and black beans. Yum.

SLOW COOKER RECIPE: Sweetballs

I'm kind of a one-trick pony when it comes to appetizers -- I've probably brought the same spinach-artichoke dip to every party I've attended since 2005. But no more! Now I'm a two-trick pony! A beef craving inspired these tasty balls, which would make Pete Schweddy proud.

(If you haven't experienced the magic of Pete Schweddy, please take a moment...)


Anyway. Here's the recipe:

• 1 can cranberry sauce
• 3/4 cup ketchup (again, Heinz organic is the bomb)
• 1/4 cup brown sugar (not packed)
• 1/2 can of beef broth
• a bag of frozen meatballs

Put everything but the meatballs in your slow cooker, and cook on HIGH for half an hour. Add the meatballs, reduce heat to LOW, and cook for 2 hours or until the meatballs are thawed. Balls accomplished.

SLOW-COOKER RECIPE: Sweet Pork Stir-Fry

Okay, so it's not technically stir-fry, but it tastes just as good without all the stirring and frying.

You'll need:

• a big old hunk of pork
• 1 bag of steam-in-bag asian veggie mix
• 1/2 can of mandarin oranges*
• 1/3 c. brown sugar
• 1/3 c. cider vinegar
• 1/4 c. soy sauce
• 1 T. minced garlic
• 1/2 tsp. chicken bouillon
• 1/4 t. ginger

Throw everything but the veggies in the crock pot and cook on LOW for 6 to 8 hours. A few minutes before you're ready to eat, cook the veggies in the microwave and dump them in. You can also dump them in frozen at the very beginning, but they stay a little crisper this way. At least that's what I tell myself; it's not like I ever tried it the other way.

* I assume you could just peel a regular orange, but who wants to? Oranges are one of my favorite fruits and I almost never eat them because they're so freakin' hard to get into.

SLOW COOKER RECIPE: Nom Nom Split Pea Soup

Holy mackerel, ham is expensive! Apparently, if it's not Easter, you're screwed -- it's like $11 for a teeny little pig tush. Kinda defeats the purpose of being a slow-cooking cheapskate. So, I put together a split pea soup recipe that doesn't require cooking a giant ham hock in the soup, but still tastes like porky deliciousness. I would drink this out of a straw if I could.

• 1 lb. bag of split peas, rinsed
• 2 c. diced ham (I just used a $2.99 pre-packaged diced ham in water)
• 1 can of whole potatoes (dice 'em)
• 10 baby carrots, sliced
• 1-1/2 T. minced garlic
• 2 T. parsley flakes
• 1 T. Lawry's seasoned salt
• 1 t. black pepper
• 5 c. hot water

Throw everything in the pot and cook on LOW for 8-10 hours. That's really all there is to it.

I'm having a steamy affair...with my slow cooker.

Before I inundate you with my crockpot recipes, I should explain how my crockpot and I got together.

Because I don't have the patience for anything that requires more than two pots or three ingredients, I had exactly four dishes in my repertoire, and I'd estimate that my husband had eaten each one of them approximately 400 times.

(He cooks too. Don't get any June Cleaver notions. It's just that I work at home, and by the time 4:30 rolls around, I'm usually too hungry to wait for him to get home, get inspired, and get dinner started. So I'm just like, "Welcome home! I made crab quesadillas...again!")

Then we got the slow cooker for Christmas. Technically he got got the slow cooker, but I've commandeered it. Here's why I love slow cooking: Do you remember spin-art?

Put a piece of paper in the spinner, squirt some paint, and hope for the best. You never knew what the finished product would be until it stopped spinning, but it was always AWESOME! At least by my standards. I had spin-art all over my bedroom in 1988.

That's kind of how I feel about the slow cooker. I dump some ingredients in, stir, and 6-8 hours later, I find out what sort of tasty masterpiece I've created. (Or it tastes like total ass, and we wind up eating Spaghetti'O's instead. Usually that happens when I try to incorporate lentils.)

Anyway, thanks to the slow cooker, I'm happy, my husband's happy, and I'm eating REAL food for a change. I actually bought celery last week. And my potato peeler is finally getting some action!