I have trouble relating to Katy Perry.

What Katy Perry did last Friday night:

• danced on tabletops
• took too many shots
• maxed her credit cards
• got kicked out of the bar
• went streaking in the park
• skinny dipping in the dark
• had a menage a trois

What I did last Friday night:

• ate expired mac and cheese for dinner
• skipped "free hayride night" because it looked rainy
• did some laundry
• refreshed my Facebook newsfeed every three minutes
• was in bed by 11:00

Not me.